Waxing Philosophical...

I've been doing some introspection lately.

Recently, after a long phone conversation with a dear friend of mine, some things dawn on me about friends; about friends, family, lovers, acquaintances. I think all serve a purpose towards giving us a livable life. After all, a life by yourself would simply suck.

My friend and I agree on one very basic tenet: Everything happens for a reason. Despite appearances, nothing is left to chance. 

Three years ago, I had to walk away from a job which I loved. I couldn't stay and they couldn't keep me. At the time, I had a difficult time making sense of it. What I had no way of knowing, though, was that leaving that job meant that, a year and a half later, I would be able to celebrate my Dad's 80th birthday with him in New York, yet that's exactly what happened. I also had no way of knowing that it would be his last, as he passed away less than a year later.

My friend recently went through a pretty rough time, because of someone else, and if anyone knows that "things happen for a reason", she does. But she's a fighter, and she fought. I've known her almost my entire life and I never knew she had that kind of fight in her. She did, though, and she's the better person because of it. That may have been the "reason" behind her troubles: For her to find out how strong she is.

I try to keep things in perspective now, probably more than ever. 

Family is, without a doubt, the most important thing in my opinion. I hope it's that way for all. I don't have a large family, so it's important not to drift away too far.

Friends? Friends are a lifeblood. I have many friends here in St. Augustine, but the ones I know I could count on in a pinch are those I've known since childhood. That small nucleus of people is vastly important to me. In a way, it defines me. These are people who, in some cases, I've known since I was five years old. These are people who, when the shit hits the fan or tragedy strikes, they're right there. They don't hesitate, and they don't waffle. They act. They step up and help, or they jump in with badly needed moral support, and they do it for no other reason than they consider you a friend.

Lovers? Well, that can certainly be a bumpy road sometimes, can't it? I was married for 27 years, and that marriage was a good thing for 26 of them. At the end, though, the wind had come completely out of the marital mainsail. I'm thankful we're, at least, still able to be cordial. 

Now, 27 years is a long time. It makes me wonder what would be considered "long term". Two years? Five years? When a relationship suddenly and unexpectedly hits the rocks, do you lament the fact that it sank so close to shore? Or do you accept that, as good as it was, it had run its course and served its purpose? Leaving the rusted hulk of a relationship on the rocks can be healthy.

Thinking back on that phone conversation with my friend, I've come to understand some things. She's a ridiculously positive person, especially considering what she's been through in her life. How she's able to do that astounds me sometimes, but she's proven to me that ruminating over something lost rarely produces positive results, and that we can't be happy until we move past it.

The loss of a relationship is only that: the loss of one relationship.

It's been said when one door closes another one opens. I truly believe that. The constraints imposed by something simply, and quickly, disappear when that "something" goes away. I think it's important to know that and to accept it. No one says it's easy and, in fact, it can be damned difficult. 

But, when you throw off your bow and let the current carry the boat away, you really can't be concerned where it ends up, as you have your own course to steer...