Canadian Cuisine

I have a great deal of affection for Canadians.

Generally speaking, they are friendly, good people. My recent trip to Newfoundland only amplified this belief. I could not begin to overstate how friendly those people are out there. And, to be honest, I find it's that way, pretty much throughout the entire country. I've been as far east as Cape Spear, and as far west as Nanaimo. Friendly folks abound in between.

But, as with anything, there is always something to take exception to, and my Canadian friends are no different.

I am, of course, talking about "Canadian cuisine".

I've run into more than a few people who will aver that fish & chips is, wholeheartedly, Canadian. And, while it's true that you can get some excellent fish & chips in Canada, the places that serve it tend to be located on the coasts, say, in Halifax or Vancouver. I wouldn't expect to get fresh fish & chips in Winnipeg. Also, there are a number of places in the States to get outstanding fish & chips, so to call it "Canadian cuisine" wouldn't be entirely accurate.

When I was in Quebec City, my good friend Richard Gagne took me out for something called "poutine". Not only had I never tried it, I didn't even really know what it was. I knew it had something to do with french fries.

Well, poutine does contain french fries, and that's fine. But it also contains so much more. For an American, the go-to condiment for fries is ketchup. Period. I know some Americans who use mayonnaise, and that's just too disgusting to discuss. So, for the purposes of this entry, we'll go with ketchup. Or, for those of you who prefer, catsup.

In short, this is what belongs on fries:

 

 

That's it. That's all that any reasonable person would agree should go on a french fry. But Canadians just can't leave well enough alone.

As I said, poutine is, indeed, french fries. But that's where any similarity between America's version and Canada's version ends. Instead of ketchup, some Canadian, likely from some bygone era which precludes him from knowing the affront to humanity he sparked, decided to put gravy on them. Plain old brown gravy. Now, to be completely honest with you, gravy on french fries isn't that bad. After all, we put gravy on potatoes, so putting it on french fries is no tremendous stretch.

And I'd be able to live with that, if that's all that poutine had to offer. But the aforementioned Canadian wasn't done.

It would've been nice had he opted for something like, oh, I dunno', let's say cheese, to adorn his dish. That, however, would've been too easy. So, instead of cheese, he opted for cheese curds. 

Mmmmmmm... That just sounds yummy, doesn't it?

Well, if you don't know what a "curd" is, let me help you out. If you pour orange juice into milk, the milk "curdles". It renders the milk (and, presumably, the orange juice) unpalatable. You see, a "curd" is the solid portion of spoiled milk.

I know. My mouth is watering, too.

What you have, when you put the fries and the brown gravy and the solid portion of spoiled milk together is this:

Please believe me when I say you don't want this. Ever. The first time I tried it, it was, well, "interesting". The second time I tried it, I was convinced that I have no need to try it a third time.

Now, despite the nature of poutine, there are scores of Canadians who will proclaim it "Canadian cuisine". In fact, this isn't quite on point. It's difficult to find poutine outside the province of Quebec and, even if you could, why would you want to? So, Canadian? Only insofar as it does come from one portion of Canada.

If you think about American cuisine, you'll undoubtedly think about things like hot dogs, corn on the cob, hamburgers, ribs, etc. You know, good 4th-of-July-damn-proud-to-be-an-American food. These are things you can find in Spokane, Miami, New York, Detroit, Dallas or California.These things permeate our country, and with good reason. Everyone loves them. Well, Canada has something which fits such a description for them, too.

If we, or more precisely, my Canadian friends, are to be completely honest about it, there really is only one thing which truly qualifies as "Canadian cuisine". Of course, I can only be referring to the Canadian national treasure that is Tim Horton's.

Tim Horton was a hockey player. Canadians love hockey. They love curling (which I refer to as "ice bowling"), too, but hockey is to a Canadian what baseball is to an American. Tim Horton played for a few different hockey teams, but was most famous for his tenure with the Toronto Maple Leafs. He opened his first restaurant in 1964 (I've visited it several times), and there are now over 2,700 locations throughout Canada. Think of it as a Canadian version of Starbucks, but without the $6.00 cups of coffee (an extra large cup of coffee is $1.59) and better food.

I'm not entirely sure of what the point of all of this has been. I guess it's just something that I've been pondering since hearing someone utter the phrase "fine Canadian cuisine", and I wondered just exactly what that might be.

Now, I think we know...