So, It Was A Little Too Warm In San Diego...

Okay, not really.

But my travel season has descended upon me, so here I sit, in the Aviator's Club in Denver International Airport, on my way to Ontario. Southwest Ontario to be exact; Chatham. Checking the weather on my iPhone4 (bitchin' little gadget that it is), I see that it's 32 degrees there. It's supposed to get down into the high teens on Sunday.

That's cold.

I have steaks that aren't that cold.

But, hey, it's the gig.

Every time I make my first trip of the year, I take notice of the travelling habits of others, specifically where it concerns the security line.

Now, I should preface this by saying, with what could be considered a small amount of humility, that I am an expert traveller. When I get to the security line, I'm ready to go. Sadly, there seems to be far too few travellers who are able to say the same.

What I've noticed is that, as a populace, we don't seem to be getting much smarter when it comes to flying. We still forget to take off our shoes, our belts and watches. We forget that the Venti (whatever the Hell that is) half-caff mocha-latte-frappucino thing we bought at Starbucks needs to be finished before the TSA agent checks our ID and boarding pass. We forget the simple things which, if remembered, would, if I may be frank here, make my travelling life a Helluva' lot easier.

Case in point: body scanners.

I honestly can't think of anything which has collectively riled people's emotions more than these things. "How dare they!" or "I'm being violated!" actually are heard on occasion. Personally, I don't have a problem with it and, honestly, I don't understand why anyone does. Here's the deal: You know those things are there before you ever buy your plane ticket. If you don't, you're probably not smart enough to be buying a plane ticket, so you can go ahead and skip to the end of today's insightful, yet oddly humorous, entry. You know there's a good chance you're going to have to step into one of these machines. So, please, do those of us who A) have no problem with it and B) have travelling dialed in to where it's second nature a favor: Be quiet, stop bitching, and step on through.

Talking to Angelique, the TSA agent who was directing weary travellers into the scanner, I learned that, 50% of the time, whoever is monitoring the images can't even tell if it's a man or a woman in the machine. Now, this isn't due to either "lacking" anything, it's just that the resolution on the images isn't high enough to get a good enough view to determine if either should take up employment in, say, the adult entertainment industry or not. Now, perhaps Angelique was was just trying to allay what she thought were my fears. I just laughed.

I thought it was funny.

She motioned me into the machine.

So, there I stood, in my stocking feet with my hands over my head with my fingertips touching, awaiting the inevitable irradiation which would surely alter cellular make-up forever. And then it was over. "Come on through, sir".

That was it.

It's been like that, literally, every time I've gone through one of those scanners.

Unfortunately, the TSA agents had a far more difficult time convincing the woman behind me that it was safe. She wasn't going to be sterilized by this insidious procedure, she was assured, but she wasn't buyin' it. I collected my carry on, reassembled myself with my shoes, belt, watch, etc, and the woman behind me was still questioning the safety of the procedure. I was just hoping she would've asked them if they would really see a bomb on her, had she been wearing one. Now that would've made for some good television.

So, somehow, I managed to find my way to Denver, where I'll board a flight to Ontario. I don't land until almost 11:00pm, so that means curling up in my hotel room at about 1:00am or so. I'll be up by 6:00am, grab a shower, eat some breakfast, and then head out the door.

So, the fun begins yet again, just as it does every year. It's going to be a year of road trips and tours and rising blood pressure as I deal with travellers who just don't know any better.

And I wouldn't have it any other way...